and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Fuck me I smell like cheese
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
