i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You are a booty call, not a friend.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
