If i come over, it means nothing
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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