so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
