I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize