conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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