My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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