So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Do you remember whose house we're in?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
