Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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