I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I FOUND THE LEGS
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Randomize
