Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
