I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
