i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Randomize