Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
