Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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