Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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