i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
