God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
