They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
organizing the empties. That sober.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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