I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
