I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
