he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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