I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
