Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
