It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
