are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
