did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
