so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
