dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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