you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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