tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
