The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
