and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize