How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
