We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
FUCK WHALES
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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