sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
