It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Come share oat with me in your robe
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
