last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
