Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
