thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
