I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
