Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
