Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
PANTIES FOUND
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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