Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
