AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
