he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Randomize
