My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
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