I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
