He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Randomize
