I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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