My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize