Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Randomize
