I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Randomize
