Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
