And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
try to milk me bitch
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