I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
