At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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