the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Randomize
