p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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