she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
