I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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