my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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