Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
