I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
