Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize