Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Floor bacon is actually really good
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