life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
