he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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