can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
