so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Randomize
